By: Blackjeans93
Art by: GaHellHimself
If you’ve ever seen Flash Bastards perform live, you know what to expect: sweat, distortion and a set so tight you’d think the band can read each other’s muscle memory. Each member brings a distinctive skill set; Loki’s commanding vocals, Crowley’s aggressive bass lines, Ed’s controlled chaos on drums and Twelve’s sharp guitar work. But even the hardest working musicians need a break. So with a rare gap in their summer festival tour, I caught up with them on the road, sun bleached and beer drenched.
Jeans: Well, let’s dive in with summer questions. If you weren’t on tour, what would your dream summer holiday destination be?
Crowley: Honestly, I’d just want to be back home. A decent shower and working phone signal sound pretty good to me.
Loki: Oh, somewhere in the Scandinavian regions I think. The climate is cooler, the scenery is breathtaking, and those endless summer evenings…
Ed: Some seaside town that doesn’t care about the rules. A place with cheap rum and sea shanties going all night.
Twelve: Somewhere quiet, like a cabin in the middle of nowhere. Just sleep, and fresh air. Solitude is underrated.
Jeans: What does a Flash Bastards pool party look like?
Crowley: So long as there’s music and a cold drink, I’m set. I could sit in a kiddie pool and be happy.
Loki: I’m usually the one bringing some structure. Snacks, drinks, keeping everyone out of trouble.
Ed: I like chaos! What’s a party without at least one small explosion?
Twelve: I’ve seen enough ill advised cannonballs into the water that I usually stand well back from the action. Normally in a patch of shade.
Jeans: How do you keep your black on black aesthetics alive when the sun is trying to kill you?
Crowley: Sleeveless everything and loose fits. And Loki’s always sneaking SPF50 on me.
Loki: I prefer natural fabrics that breathe in the heat. You can’t wear polyester on stage without sweating to death. And yes, I do sneak sunscreen on him, he burns like a matchstick.
Ed: I’m too committed to black leather to let the sun beat me down. Mind over matter.
Twelve: Wide brimmed hat and tailored black linen.
Jeans: What’s your worst warm weather gig disaster?
Crowley: I passed out mid song once. I came to onstage with Loki fanning me and Ed pouring a beer over my head.
Loki: It’s between that or the time the crowd threw water bottles at us. One of them gave me a black eye that lasted most of the summer.
Ed: Played a gig on sand once. Stupidly decided to wear flip flops, which I lost mid set. Kept drumming barefoot. Cut my foot on a broken bottle. Got tetanus, but I still finished the tour.
Twelve: Mosquitos. An entire set under floodlights, and I was the only one they went for. Spent the entire show slapping myself between strums to stop them eating me alive.
Jeans: Can you tell us your approach to swimwear?
Crowley: I’m usually in board shorts and dark sunglasses, nothing fancy.
Loki: Shorts and long sleeved rashguard for me, perhaps a sunhat.
Ed: Black skull print speedos. End of discussion.
Twelve: A full wetsuit for me. Practical, sleek, and discourages conversation.
Jeans: Favourite ice cream flavours?
Crowley: Double chocolate fudge. It’s a mess, but it’s great.
Loki: Pistachio. It’s subtle and complex.
Ed: The neon tropical one with the chunks in it. No one else likes it, so more for me.
Twelve: Lemon sorbet. Sharp and refreshing.
Jeans: And finally; what’s the one thing each of you packs for a summer tour that no one else thinks of?
Crowley: Extra strings. I always break one per show, and I get through them fast.
Loki: Aftersun gel. You’d be amazed how often it saves the day. And the face. No one wants to face a crowd with their face peeling.
Ed: Inflatable crocodile. You never know when one will come in handy.
Twelve: A travel sized soldering iron. You’d be amazed how many connections get knocked loose when loading and unloading gear. Easily fixed with heat and solder. And determination.
Despite the heat, the on stage mishaps and sunburn, Flash Bastards continue to demonstrate their ferocious talent and an unshakable bond. Whether they’re melting on stage under festival lights or relaxing by the pool in the sun, they do it with the same mix of grit, chaos and humour that has made them legends of the underground scene. Catch while you can this summer!
